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02 December 2011 @ 02:56 pm

Feeling of the day - Gratitude

Topic of the day - My dear friend's uncle who is (slowly) making his transition into the great unknown. Feeling how much I love this man for all that he's been for my dear, sweet Molly, feeling grateful that I got to meet him and communicate my appreciation for his well-lived life. Thinking about what an honor it is to be there for the people I love.

Song of the day - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - performed by "She & Him"

Today's appreciation list:

- beauty from the inside out - specifically how good it feels to eat only food that feels nourishing and loving.

- the feeling of "back to basics" - kinda hard to describe, but I like that I can capture it slightly here in the journal. Maybe it's more like a "less is more" feeling. Less stuff, more to appreciate. Less worry, more ebb and flow. Less hype, more satisfying results.

- rain, rain, rain, rain!!

- greeeeeeen smooooothies

- staying at home with my kids, there's nothing better than spending this precious time with them.

- feeling like it just doesn't get any better than this, and knowing that the experience of "better" never stops flowing

I Feel: gratefulgrateful
I'm listening to: holiday music (compliments of my 4 year olds)
30 November 2011 @ 03:08 pm

What I'm currently listening to:

Hey Now - Augustana

Dig  - Incubus

Strange - Tori Amos

Wheel - The High Violets

Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie

Blanchard - Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions

Carousel - Iron & Wine

44 Down - The High Violets

Don't Lose Yourself - Laura Veirs

Dragon - The Amazing

Cath - Death Cab for Cutie

Persistence of Memory - Afro Celt Sound System

Virginia - Tori Amos

Sun Baby - The High Violets

Toroya - Issa Bagayogo

Summer Skin - Death Cab for Cutie

Love and Some Verses - Iron & Wine

Rainy Monday - Shiny Toy Guns

Wandering Kind - Laura Veirs

Crystal - Stevie Nicks

A few random images I'm loving lately - (note: I didn't take these, a few are of spots in my hometown, if I knew who took them I would give credit.) :)

I Feel: contentcontent
I'm listening to: said playlist
30 November 2011 @ 01:50 pm

This is usually the time of year when I (obviously) start thinking about the year that lies ahead. I'm not much of a planner in terms of details and specifics, but I love to think about the general emotional experience I'll allow.

Some ideas that are feeling particularly delicious to me:

- let liberation and freedom lead the way

- trusting my gut

- honest yeses and honest nos

- being willing to ditch principles and break rules for the sake of expanding into what feels better from here

- beauty, beauty, beauty within and without - beautiful sights, sounds, experiences, and so on

- expansive people, places, encounters, and whatever else opens me more to the joy of being alive

- loving, nurturing, and enjoying this amazing, physical, beautiful body I'm in

- living like there's nothing to prove

- palms up

- let the flow of fun have it's way with me

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I Feel: calmcalm
I'm listening to: nature sounds
29 November 2011 @ 11:05 am

Oh my goodness!! I can't believe I'm finally getting one. I've been jacked up on green smoothies for months, and while my black and decker does ok, it's well on it's way to being worn out. I'm looking forward to what the vitamix experience will be like. Rumor has it that the horse power is so off the hook that even the teeny tiny cell walls of the greens get broken up - making it much easier for the body to absorb all those magical vitamins and nutrients. I can't wait!!

I'm in : my bedroom
I Feel: ecstaticecstatic
I'm listening to: Incubus - Dig
28 November 2011 @ 04:51 pm

How fun it feels to be back on "livejournal." :) Such a nice, social-media free space where I can just write for no reason, enjoy what comes forth, and it's highly unlikely that anyone will actually read it. There's something sort of fun about that. It's available to be read, but not on anyone's "list" waiting for viewing.

I thought I'd gotten pretty good at telling the truth over the last several years, but recently a whole new world of liberation has opened up. It all started when I realized how deeply immersed I was in the virtual (yet totally engaging) culture of life coaching - and how much I hated the feeling of it. It's hard being a coach and actually making a business out of it when you aren't networking with other coaches, but the problem with that for me was that I loved the coaching, just not the culture. It seems like it's a safe zone for people to be fully themselves and be loved and accepted, but what typically happens instead is that people are actually MORE rigid and restrained, because they want to uphold a persona of having it all together. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't tell the forest from the trees. And so here I am, admitting to myself that what I want is to get off that see saw between loving coaching but hating the business of it. It's time for a break if nothing else. What I'm so amazed by is how this one little realization has led to another truth and another and another and so on. It reminds me of something my husband said while we were in the car traveling last week. I can't remember the exact words he used, but he was pointing out how mysterious life is and how the right thing will always find a way to the surface. The truth has come out about SO many things that were somehow flying under the radar and it feels SO incredibly wonderful to bask in it.

- I had a conversation with one of my dearest friends about how paranoid I was that she might have spoken unkindly about me to her other friends. I felt terrified having that talk with her, but it felt so much better to just let the cat out of the bag than to believe the story that this was "petty." Perhaps it was, but so what? The point was that I allowed myself to create safety for the truth even though it felt scarey.

- When I KNEW in my gut that Ethan was smoking in his bedroom, it couldn't have been clearer which path felt right. Everything in my body said, "Do not let this slide. Do not take no for an answer." - Again, another see saw we're all free from. We know the truth about how he was spending his time in Albuquerque, the truth about how his uncle was influencing brain washing him. And now, the space between going back and moving forward has officially been bridged for good. The only option is to move forward, to love him like no one else has, to let him know with everything we've got that we are in this together. I wouldn't yell at anyone I didn't love. It's not about being right. It's about being passionately committed to what feels right in my body and soul.

I didn't think it was possible to feel closer to my JR, but here we are! Loving life, loving our boys, being on the same page, finishing each others' sentences. Has it really been almost SIX years??? Who knew that life could be so satisfying??? It's not that it's not challenging, it's that the challenges that we're facing are the ones that we are SO up for. We are here to stay on all levels possible.

The craziest thing of all is that despite the so-called challenges, my life continues to be filled with magical moments and lucid dream-like experiences. As contradictory as it sounds, it just doesn't get better than this. I'm here to ride!

I'm in : the office
I Feel: relievedrelieved
I'm listening to: Laura Veirs - Don't Lose Yourself